I've been home the whole day.

Believe it or not, this is only my third time staying home since 28 November (the day I flew to Melbourne). All other days I've been out doing all sorts of things.

I love photography and I believe in capturing every moment with a camera and blogging is my way of immortalizing these moments. But as I grew older, I find my free time lessening and the frequency of my updates decreasing.

I've at least 200GB worth (or more) of photos to date since 2006 when this passion was discovered but since 2009, I find myself incapable of updating this blog of mine consistently. So much pictures I've to show, so much words I wish to share, but each time I blog it takes up over four hours of my time and more if I've a lot of picture. I don't mind, not at all, but what I need is time and that is what I'm short of.

I don't know how many people bothers reading this blog anymore too. It's so unattended and each time there's an entry it's either wordy or short :( I feel quite awful about that and I am not going to lie and say that I am not upset about the deteriorating number of readers but what to do?

I've grown to accept it anyway. I won't be able to live the dream I once had a few years back (a childish one too actually). Being a good blogger takes years to achieve and a good load of time spared aside to continuously upgrade it. My writing is not exceptionally well neither is it distinguished.

However, that being said, it does not mean I'll stop blogging. I'm only making it clear that as much as I'd like to get things up fast, the updates will come by slow.

Things never go according to how it was planned.

I thought this holiday I'd have a good few days to properly update my blog with all owed entries and I even thought I'd have a good week off to properly study and wrap up my whole J1 syllables, what a joke. I'm three days away from 2012. I've barely done any of it.

I'm probably one of the worst photographers as well because my uploading of pictures (onto Facebook) takes weeks. I'm usually several days late or several weeks late because I'm far too busy to sit down, sift through the photos, edit accordingly and wait for the uploads to be completed.



*Troll behind the computer screen stares at this post scathingly. What makes you any busier than other 17 year old?*

I can't exactly tell you what makes me so busy because it's always different and it's not a routine but it mostly centers around over-commitment to several things. I've tried to breakaway from it all on several accounts but it is not easy. As long as I live, as long as I feel, as long as I think, they stay.

Unless they leave me, by choice.

**

I created this entry earlier today because I wanted to talk about how my day had been and how much I enjoyed the solitude.

I spent the day hopping from one music video to another, leaving it in the background as I read through articles, googled and wiki'd some random things and questions, watched my favourite bands performing live and sang along, caught up on my hollywood gossip news, read some of my favourite blogs, sang along to instrumentals, watched chick vs dick, browsed around youtube and went from one related video to another and chatted around a while.

I haven't even tumblr'd, I haven't even blogged, I haven't even revisited sites I used to frequent, I haven't caught up on Misfits S3, I haven't organized my folders, I haven't done so many other things that I would do when I'm online. I've been on the computer for 17 hours. It's still not enough.

That's not to mention the things I'd rather do at home (especially after I move house. I can't imagine how much more I'd love to stay in).

I love going to new places, I love mixing around, I love observing people, I love drinking, I love walking, I love having to go through the tenuous process of choosing what to wear and what to match, I love the many things I can see because I'm privileged to be living in a first world nation, I love doing so much things out

but plenty of times i wished i was anywhere else but out.
plenty of times it's not a want but an obligation.
plenty of times it's not excitement but fear.

yet what can I do, what can I do other than to trudge on and live?

Live learn Live learn that's all I can do for now.

Sadly...learning (the hard and unnecessary way) is a compulsory process for me till my A's and uni days end. Singapore's education system, sigh, what a fucking rat race.

Digressing already.

What a fucking coherent post.

I end here.

I am as what you had read - fuckin' mental.

Plenty of loves,
toodles!